Monday, May 10, 2010

3 Girls, 3 Stories, 3 Deaths...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Assalamualaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh..






Lately, I have been encountered quite a number of the death of my patients.. some were the expected cases, but some were not.. Being a doctor who is working in a tertiary center like my hospital, patient passed away is common.. quite common until sometimes I don't feel anything about it... it should be a reminder to us that our death is also approaching, by time.. but I regret, because I rarely felt that way anymore.. sad, huh?!

Back to the topic... Once, I have three Down's syndrome girls... all three were super duper cute.. but sadly, being abnormal, there were a lot of underlying disease.. at least to three of them... what makes me want to tell story about them was they had a great mother.. a loving, patience and hopeful mothers.. but, knowing them, I know that they were not ready to lose their children in such a young age.. Let me call them Angel 1, Angel 2 and Angel 3...

Angel 1

She is lovely.. a 2-year-old girl, who had Leukemia (blood cancer). Has been started on chemotherapy and responded quite well. However, on and off still requiring admission due to fever and low blood components (platelet and hemoglobin).. towards the end of her life, she was admitted to my ward for fever and low platelet.. one day, when I was on-call, she vomited and coughed out blood.. I mean A LOT OF BLOOD.. with clots and non-stop bleeding from mouth and nose.. I was freaking panic, but I managed to hide it.. then after some resuscitation, the bleeding stopped.
The "peristiwa berdarah" happened twice, both during my on-call time, both around 2am.. scary, isn't it? then, she was transferred to PPUM for next chemotherapy.. I was the one who accompanied her there.. an ambulance ride was not as pleasant as i thought, though.. worrying that the event would happen again, I dare not close my eyes throughout the 3 hours journey.. Alhamdulillah, she was okay..
I heard that she was discharged home from PPUM after 2 weeks there, meaning that she was okay.. Until one day, one of my patient's mum told me, Angel 1 passed away because of non-stop bleeding at home.. similar episode and almost around the same time, 2am.... her parents did not have transport, thus they needed to call the ambulance from the nearest health clinic.. unfortunately this time, she didn't make it.. she succumbed upon arrival to the clinic.. I was shocked to hear the news, because it was unexpected.. May her soul rest in peace, and may Allah bless her mother for being such a wonderful mum and being so co-operative with us...

Angel 2
Angel 2 was one of a worst-case scenario.. pity her, she had a heart problem which also deteriorating her lung function.. she was referred to our National Heart Center, but true enough, her condition was so bad and nothing can be done.. not even operation.. it was conservative treatment, actually, whereby no active management could be done to fix her problem.. Angel 2 was admitted to our ward quite a number of time.. all were due to deteriorating heart condition whereby she would suddenly turned blue even on minimal exertion.. As far as I could remember, within the last 5 months, she has been admitted for 3 times..
Her last admission was last month, due to same presentation... but this time, she did not recover as fast as before.. usually, she would be okay after 2nd to 3rd day of admission.. but this time, she had fever and remain weak and poor oral intake even after the 4th day, in fact, her condition worsen.. I could sense that this time, she would not be able to discharge "well".. And I was right... She passed away during my on-call time.. I witnessed her last breath.. She was gasping but I couldn't do anything.. Her mother was crying beside her... Never let her hand go... I know that her mother understood the condition but she is her daughter.. Of course, tears shed non-stop.. I was sad.. I felt helpless, thus I decided to walk out.. Just few minutes after that, she stop breathing.. her heart stop beating.. no movement anymore.. She returned to Allah SWT at 1010am, 18th April 2010... Mother was calm, and I conveyed my condolence to her.. She hugged me, thanking me for all the care and treatment that we provided to her while she was still alive... I was stunned.. I don't think that I deserve the gratitude...

Angel 3
This girl was cute! She was 15 months old.. I have known her since she was small... She stayed in SCN (neonate ward) quite some time, when I was doing my housemanship still.. She had Leukemia as well, same as Angel 1.. we noticed that her blood components were always on the lower side, thus we did some work-up.. and yes, it was confirmed Leukemia.. both parents were denial during the earlier phase.. we had to convince them quite few times, sort of to persuade them to get a proper treatment in KL.. at last, they agreed and we then sent her to the centre... she responded quite well... her blood readings were most of the time were okay.. As far as I remember, after she started her chemotherapy, she was admitted only once to our ward due to low platelet.. And as already expected, staying in ward invited some nasty bugs to infect her.. she had febrile neutropenia.. but responded to antibiotics quite well... then she was discharged home and able to go for her next scheduled chemotherapy in HKL...
Last Thursday, her mother came to the ward.. I bumped into her and say "Hi".. suddenly, she hugged me.. she cried on my shoulder.. I asked her, "where is she?".. And this poor mother said "dia dah takde... dia pergi dalam tido.." Again.. my heart stopped for few seconds.. I was shocked.. Angel 3 was a very good example of successful treatment of Leukemia, plus, she was very lucky to have such a co-operative parents.. Mum said, she was discharged from HKL the week before... Very well and all blood components were good.. no fever, active at home.. cheeky and cute as she was.. Nothing was unusual the day before her death.. Until that Tuesday, mother woke up and saw her little Angel 3 already gone.. She sleep and sleep and sleep and never wake up anymore... It was hard for the mother to accept at first, but she was hanging in there.. So do I.. but Allah loves her more.. And the mother thanked me again, since I was the most frequent doctor that she met, since I was in-charge of the Daycare ward.. This time, I accept her gratitude, knowing that I have done my best for her daughter.. The last thing that her mother whispered to me was "Takpelah, doktor.. dia tunggu saya kat syurga, kan?" with tears rolling down... Owh... I had liver-ache... My cute little Angel 3, I wish I can meet you in Jannah.. please don't forget me...

So... 3 stories of 3 special girls.. Their presence has bring a lot of memories to their mothers.. and to me too...
Are we ready for our own time?
The time when HE call us to meet HIM?


Astaghfirullaahal'azim....

2 comments:

Mama Qiestina said...

hanin...

sedeynya citer ni seme. i feel it bcoz my sis baru kehilangan bby dia :(

perasaan seorg ibu tu,tak tergambar dgn kata kata..allhuakbar!

Hanin Farhana said...

tu la, yatt... sometimes, kite take for granted je kalo ade news of someone's death... padahal, sepatutnye kite kena rase dekat ngan mati...
sure la sedih their mommies kan? although i am not a mother yet, but i could feel the pain... kadang2 saye anggap all my patients as my children gak tau... sayang kat diorang..