One Year Nearer To My Death..

Alhamdulillah..

Yesterday was my 30th birthday..
No big celebration.. just a simple small "makan kek" session, Abah's treat..
Just a sweet "off-tune" birthday song by Danial and the gang via sis-in-law's handphone..
But many many warm wishes from family, friends and relatives at my Facebook page..
That was sweet, peeps.. :) really touched my heart, knowing that there are a lot of friends out there pray for my health and success in life.. :)

Reflection...
What have I done in 30 years of living?
I can surely say, more sins than deeds..
But hopefully Allah forgive my sins for every tears I shed thinking that how ungrateful I am, after what has Allah gave me..
I want to contribute more for the best of our ummah.. really..
But in doing that, there are a lot of tribulations and hardship I have to face.. I know that..
Last night, I hardly sleep..
Not because of a lot of thinking on how old I am already..
But more of questions to myself..

"How do I answer if Allah ask me what is my contribution to Ummah?"
"What should I say if Allah question me about my gratefulness after all the ni'mat that He gave me?"
"Would I escape the punishment and the pain of sakaratul maut, when my time has come?"
"Would I die in my husband's redha?"
"What if the Judgement Day is tomorrow? Am I ready?"

These were the questions in my mind.. I couldn't stop thinking about this.. Even my husband could have sense there was something bothering me, thus he made a quick call from the vessel.. And his words really made me relieved..

I am grateful for still being alive today..
And I promise to be a better muslim day by day..
I hope, I would be able to answer the questions above when the time comes..
The time when Allah call me to meet him..

I would like to reveal one thing..
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I dreamed of Kiamat once.. where I could hear the "tiupan sangkakala"..
I could see the buildings collapsed and the sky rolled..
Everybody was running here and there to save themselves..
Shouting, chaos, cries.. It was soooo hard for me to describe..
And... Masya-Allah... how I wished I would be dead before that day comes..
T_T

I woke up breathlessness and speechless... I cried and cried...
And you can ask my husband, what happened after that..

I hope, after reading this, all of us would always remember that death is approaching us.. we just forget, or pretend to forget..

Let us be a better muslim..